what it takes to be being me.

this isn't a short cut or route to reach a pinnacle what u can call being me. Apparently I don't know how to describe myself either. If I have to settle for a one word to describe myself I would rather end up in Confusion. So I'm leaving the general scenario, which is making the things complicated. Just thinking about the situation right where I am, it is in a sort of state which is shuttling between confusion and reluctance.
I don't like when I'm made to work. A person like me would think why the hell did humankind make progress. Let alone technology why did we even come out of our cave life. it would have been real fun. I would have certainly enjoyed living a brute life.

change of priorities!
The Work.
With an attitude like this when if I'm tied up in a work anyone can deduce how well I will be coping up with the situation. For a person in the genre of a nomad when he is made to confine his life in a cubicle(a hall with everyone trespassing is to be taken as the definition in this particular case ) nothing else in life can be more odd.

The way they(we, including me) used to utter our Boss's name brings in, a sense of dejavu. It is just how the name Voldemort is mentioned by other wizards in Harry Potter series. Each time when it is required to mention his name it is uttered so lightly as possible as if it is tabooed.I don't have any such fears but still why taking risk, right??(I strongly believe he wont come anywhere near by my blog)..He is a very nice person,I would say generous or how else would I find myself in Acrodelon.


Note:
let me take the privilege to make little additions to this so as to prevent people from drawing hasty conclusions. I really admire my boss. He is a virtuoso in his chosen field and has got an aura in what ever he is doing. What I have mentioned has nothing to do with him. The way my colleagues(ok, including me) utter his name made me write it..

First Sight

According to my friend Junaid (junu) the effect caused by first sight is diminutive. He says, rarely do we see things with their real magnitude when we see it for the first time. More often we are prepared to belittle the real magnitude.

I don't have a philosophical view about this, rather it was Her if you ask me. She was so gorgeous. I liked her the very moment I saw her. In almost every case a boy will be happy seeing a girl, but I was sad. I couldn't even bear the mere thought of being not able to see her again.



Situation many a times won't let you think but forces to act even if that is absurd. I walked straight to her.

Me: Hi
Answer was nothing but a perplexed look on her face.

Me: This is an awkward thing to do. But I'm left with no other option than this. From the moment I saw you, I couldn't take my eyes off you. And I don't mind doing that over a life time. You are the most beautiful person I have ever seen.

(Till now I didn't mention her name. Even if I got any such intentions I can't for the sole reason that I still don't know what her name is.)


She was still in the same confused state not expecting such a blatant act from a total stranger. This gave me an ample opportunity to kneel down. Romeos are supposed to do that, so I heard.

" You are very special. Life will be more interesting with you around my love".

WHAT ARE YOU DOING!

At times you wont like your mother looking on your face even if that is glowing with affection. This certainly was one such occasion(no guilt feelings since I didn't find any affection on her face then). All of a sudden I was taken from a five star luxury to a largely plebeian precinct(with all due respect to her). As it was slowly poising towards a  Happily Ever After ending she unmercifully took me to a happily never after state. She couldn't understand why I was getting angry with her.



I don't quite remember if it was a day or a night. But I'm so certain about one thing.

It was a nice little dream.

Frustrated Days

I don't know where to start this. I mean, which part of my life where the depression had an upper hand over other emotions. And putting me further in the pain is the fact that no one has anything to do with this or I could have shared some of the blame with them. It is just because I didn't have any job with me and not by any means it has anything to do with, me not able to make any money..

So Depression or Frustration started when I passed from the college, not really the way you expect when you hear the word passed. I mean some way you have to get out of the college, by the time normal students finish the course the college will relieve you though you may be so blessed with many arrears(Thank God supplementary papers got such a great synonym. Even though the situation is horrible, sounds great when you utter it). So I have had arrears. As a matter of fact I still have it in my credit.

When I was studying in CET there were ample opportunities to grab good jobs. It would have been better if I used ' when I was in CET ' rather than using hard words like 'studying'. It is said that opportunities won't knock the door twice. I didn't even let it knock once. Being there in the haven I didn't have room for any serious thought. But when I got out and with no hope of world's sudden end in the near future, I was put in some serious thought. Even if you are with friends being out of the college premises will make you serious, though it was bit too late to be so..
I could do nothing but let the frustrations creep in


P.S: I got a job now. At present I'm working in Acrodelon

En Route

The real inspiration I got to start blogging is from Deepak R. who was my senior in CET. He finished his B.Tech long before I made my plan to start one. What ever acquaintance I have had with him was enough to cherish for a life time though.
He used to be a teaching staff at Barton Hills TVM. During my third semester in the college he was the external in charge of the University lab Exam. As expected I didn't get any output and the viva was my last hope. I was praying for a miracle to happen, an emergency exit, to escape the only possible verdict.


Here comes the first question.

Mr D: How many back logs did you have in your first year??
(possibly making me aware that he won't hesitate )

Me: Three.

Mr D: What all ?

Me: Graphics, Civil and ..eh..

Mr D: And what ?

Me: And Electronics.

Mr D: Electronics !

That was because I was an electronics student. He would have hoped for a confrontation with an Electronics Geek but rather ended up with me. He wouldn't have expected such an act even from a commoner in Electronics(like me) .

As a matter of fact those were the only questions I could give correct answers. Even our Adoor Gopalakrishnan couldn't have made the situation more somber than the way it was then. One shouldn't have to be an expert to predict the verdict in my case. I knew one more log was added to my back even before the results were out.

After a few years, don't count much may be a year or so, I happened to read his blog and admired the way he had written it. At somepoint, in his blog, he wrote

" I joined as lecturer in NIT Calicut yesterday. Inside the administrative block , on the ground floor, there are two small fish ponds. Some big gold fish were swimming in one of them in company of an angel and a turtle. I was waiting there for some reason and my mindless eyes were on those gold fish for a long time. When my mind joined the eyes, it started a conversation with them.

Fish (to me): Which direction should we be swimming?

My mind (to me): Ahh, It's that same old Alice in Wonderland question

'Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?'
'That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,'
'I don't know where. . .'
'Then it doesn't matter which way you go,'

My mind (to me): Ohh, let me not be so philosophical. Let me try, if I can help those fishes. Think. Think.

think ...
think ...

My mind (to the fish): It doesn't matter which way you swim. What matters is that you have to swim."


This really inspired me. So friends If you don't have any destination in mind for your life, you don't have to bother thinking about the direction...Such a Cool Thought!!


Let me borrow his words to conclude

En Route

I started this blog in my favourite way, without knowing what all to do with it, ... the natural way of life

Redeemed !

When I read 5point someone of Chethan Bhagat I admired the way he had written it. I always admired the way authors like him came up with stories that are so close to us. We find the characters in those stories so real and feel like knowing them from somewhere around us. We could find so much familiarity in those characters but won't come up with stories like they do or produce anything close to that. We have barricaded all our senses but those people observe the world around them and use it in their stories. They might have molded their senses by associating each one of us with their characters. Let me also start viewing the world like they do and see the change, my change in perspective brings to me ....Let me find my protagonist

It is easier to say something. I just proved that right here. I know,I am not much of a raconteur. I am not good at describing anecdotes. My friends tell me that I beat around the bush a lot. I'm doing the same thing here too .OK let me come to the point now.
Seedhi Baat No Bakhwaas. Blog it is..

When i made up my mind to start blogging, two factors made me keep the idea at bay for a while. I doubted my writing skills and I couldn't figure out where to start it.

What ever you do in your life you will certainly leave trails, by which people remember you and those trails will form your identity and so is the case with writing. After leading a life of complete disorder till now why should I bother about a good start or think of bringing about an order to it..
So be it..