Missing Hours

Did you ever have such an experience?? You realize few hours missing and you have no idea what happened though you were fully in your senses, well not literally 

I woke up late with a headache, probably hangover from the last day’s party. I was lying down on the floor, still in the party wear, but felt strangely happy being in a familiar place. I wanted to get up but my body wasn’t up to it, so laid there waiting for some source of sound near by.

As I was slowly slipping back to sleep it came, but with a poke.

Dude... wake up wake up.

I slowly opened my eyes and saw them observing me in a peculiar way.

Do you have any idea what you did last night???

I didn’t, rather couldn’t say anything, obviously didn’t have any idea, just gave them a blank look.

 See the way he is looking, he isn’t normal yet..

Everything has a meaning it seems... anyhow my response was the same even this time.

 Now wake up and get ready, we got to go home.

 I closed my eyes and heard them walking away laughing at something that I did last night. Nothing went inside my head; it was solely trying to connect some dots and make a picture out of it. But everything was vague.

 On the way home sitting alone by the window side I tried to gather every possible memory frames and this is what my sane mind could figure out.

Party Day

Scene 1 : Dance floor

It was a simple party with a simple plan.. You can dance and eat or dance eat have alcohol and stay insane or atleast you can watch others doing either of it and simply eat. It went like this - dappankuthu - vodka -dappankuthu - vodka again (I better be putting it in a loop) -this went on for a while- had food - tried few steps holding the plate (tried everything I knew, this was something new!!!)

Many of my colleagues left as it was getting late, they were disposed of.

(So far so good, I remember it pretty well.. )

I had enough of vodka so tried a bit of signature instead, two pegs.

Scene 2 : Boss’s Apartment

How did I reach there?? This is why experienced people say never mix brands. Or may be it wasn’t with the brand, this happens with me even when I am sober. It is safe to assume I might have just forgotten it. Anyhow I have just got a faint memory of what happened. It is something like, me trying my luck with a guitar (me and my roomy bought a guitar few days prior to this, had an initial love affair which died out soon).. Someone telling me that I told something to my boss.. and me asking him something.. no more useful frames from there(Honestly I was afraid to  investigate further)..

Two days at home didn’t do much good either.

How much did I lose?? Each and everyone from office were coming up with their own stories and looked like it was long enough for an epic.

I heard stories.. my boss making me walk over a straight line (interestingly I made it through) .. pestered everyone till they confirm that I was not drunk. In-between I look totally sane in most of the photos, I don’t remember posing for that though. And apparently this is what I asked my boss “Did I say anything to you???”.  In turn he asked me “Do you want to say anything to me??” No one knows what exactly did I say to this, there are several speculations though. I have had enough and didn’t want to know any further..

‘I know what you did that night’, every second person I met back in office told me with a mock. I gave them a humble smile said

Naan Avan allai

It wasn’t me..

A Mere Interlude

In close friend circles I am called a blogger. Not that it has got anything to do with my writing, they feel  I spend a considerable amount of time blogging.

Yes I am a blogger. I really enjoy doing it and feel really happy being associated with such a tag. But then I have to correct it, I used to be one.

 I guess  it is relatively easy to start something, but more difficult part is to keep up with the start. All this time I have tried to  write but was never able to take it further.


I have no such worries this time. I am writing this post just  to make myself believe that this particular phase is a mere interlude and I will get back to what I love 

BLOGGING

Getting back to the basics

® Something made me go back to my old biology classes and  remember Use and Disuse theory by Lamarck that I have learned somewhere there. It is certainly happening with our Brain cells. With the advent of technology and our over dependency on electronic gadgets, brain cells are becoming inactive.

Our life has become more or less mechanical. Even for simple tasks we are relying on electronic gadgets, in a way taking our ability to do it ourselves. Even for doing simple calculations we prefer calculator rather than doing a mental math, which limits the brain activity to a mere task of creating an image of calculator when we see numbers. Mobile phones have a greater role in putting us where we are now. Phone memory and features are improving each day and in the same level our brain activities are diminishing.

There is now a considerable body of evidence proving that microwave radiation from mobile phones and cordless phones causes brain tumors, disturbed brain function and other health disturbances. It doesn't matter if Hrithik Roshan listens to a movie script over his cell phone or Aamir Khan chats with his girlfriend through the night, the electromagnetic radiation that our fancy gadget emits can cause what simply put is a short circuit in the neuro-circuitry of our brain. The WHO's Interphone report indicates how heavy mobile phone usage can leave us at risk of developing glioma tumors.

Do you have any idea why I am saying all these things?

My reasons are quite simple.

It is quite hard for me these days to remember numbers especially phone numbers. But since my aid for the past three years (nokia 6233) remains dead, I prefer to say inactive, more than the time it is active. I am deprived of all the contact with the external world and all sorts of benefits you can associate with a mobile these days. So I am forced to remember important numbers, birthdays and all. 6233 has been my pride in it’s hey days with dual speakers and high quality sound it gave, getting rid of it is quite painful. For the time being I can do nothing but go back to basics and start from square one.

I can easily think of all the benefits of not having a mobile: D

A Call from the past

# Story


My phone kept ringing. I checked my watch, thirty minutes past ten. Lights were still on. I might have fallen asleep reading. After two or three long rings I took the phone. I checked the number, not a known one.
 

Swearing at the caller under my breath, I answered.

 

X: Hello

 

 I couldn’t recognize the voice on the other end. But it sounded quite familiar, someone I knew 

from the past.

 

X: Hello

 

Me: Hello

 

X:  Hey this is me Sreejith. It has been so long, right? How are you?

 

Me: I am fine. Where have you been? How come you called?

There was every bit of irony in that. I was the one who had escaped from the past, not him. I still couldn’t completely make sense of why I said that.

Why is he calling me now? I had no idea.

 

Sreejith: Do you remember Gayatri?

 

Me: Who??

 

Sreejith: She was our classmate, she used to be a good singer.

 

Me: Mmm. Yes. 

 

Sreejith: She is getting married.

Silence

X: This weekend.

X: She was asking for your number. I didn’t have it then, got it from...... He said he will be coming…..

I didn’t say anything.

X: Won’t you come?

Me: mmm.

X: Aren’t you coming??

Me: mmm. I will try.

I just wanted to hang up and go back to sleep. But he kept talking…

X: You are a hard man to reach. Where have you been all this time?

Me: Man, I’ve just come back from a really long day at the office. Bit tired. This is your number, right?

I hope I didn’t sound irritated.

X: Yes

Me: I will call you tomorrow. Good Night

May be I had hung up the phone little too soon without even waiting for him to say a good night.

I went back to bed. Even after many long hours I found myself staring at the ceiling hardly finding any sleep. Many attempts went futile turning around in frustration trying to find some sleep.

Why is mentioning of her name giving me a sleepless night. I couldn’t ignore and let it go as I used to.

I walked to the balcony to have a smoke. In the darkness and prevailing silence, looking at the tall buildings all around without a sign of life anywhere, suddenly made me feel quite alone. It felt like I was staring at my past. In a rush to build a life of your own you tend to forget people who were with you. Does it happen with all the others or is it just with me? I don’t know.

Where do I start telling about her, Gayatri. If I am pressed to say why I loved her, I feel it can only be explained by replying Because it was her; because it was me. I didn’t have a reason not to love her. She was adorable in all possible ways. I admired her, worshiped her, cherished her in my dreams but never mustered courage to go and tell her. Many a time after that I resented over my lack of courage.

We were good friends back then, in-fact great friends, talking for great lengths over the phone sharing stories gossips and secrets, but never had the courage to reveal the sacred one. I just didn’t want to put our friendship at stake, but eventually lost both of that. If I had proposed her would she have said a yes? I don’t know. I will never know. Slowly it got added with many other 'what if I had done that' which occurred in my life. Though it was selfish I was in a way happy that even after such a long time I had some love left in me for her.

A lovely quote by Washington Irving went through my mind, "Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart".

The rain started to drizzle down. I watched it come down slowly in tiny droplets. May be I was searching for someone's face in the drizzle. I wish I could stand in the rain and let it wash all the pain away from my heart letting me start again.

I took another smoke. Why didn’t she marry yet? Though she is a year younger to me, it’s a bit late for a girl to get married. She was ambitious even then, used to say that she would marry only after achieving something in life. 

 

Many unanswered questions kept poking me hard. Should I go and see her for one last time. I decided against that, if anything is left behind let that be her smiling face. I can find some excuse to tell him. Like always I will get back to the blissful comfort of forgetfulness.

I was half aware of burning cigarette pressing against my skin. I wish I could burn away all these memories as easily as that.

I must have been standing there for quite long. I slowly walked back to my room. I watched my wife having a sound sleep, couldn’t stop myself feeling little jealous. I silently slid to my side of the bed with a hope of finding some sleep. The past had come calling, and I wasn’t sure whether I had the strength to face it again—or the will to let it go.

 

Lucky Number Six

I have been of the belief till yesterday that six is quite lucky for me. I am not so confident about it now.

These days every particular day starts with the question, what trouble am I going to make today?? . One way or another I jump into one.

We were celebrating most sought after festival for the people in Kerala, Hartal the only difference is that it doesn’t come on a fixed date unlike most other festivals.

It was yet another day in office, but with a festive atmosphere. You could do what ever that pleases you, no pressure just leisure.

The day was progressing with occasional bug fixing for the sake of doing something that can be passed on as work, reading and listening to music being set as the major priorities.

As the office hour was about to end, I had an urge to set my password in our website to Six. My user login in the site is used for testing purposes and the password was changed much too often as a part of that. I didn't know the present password, so couldn't login to the site. I didn’t have any intention of retrieving the password from front end by using ‘forgot password’(Ego of a Coder,even if you are not much into coding ). Yep, I was adamant enough to try resetting the password directly in the database.

I did reset my password and set it to six (IT IS NO LONGER SIX!!), so did for every other users of our site. Every user now had my lucky number password. Users couldn’t login to the site and it was an hour of panic, crisis or what ever. In client’s words that was much like Sinking the Ship. But luckily with the available database backup data was restored and I got out of the dilemma.

I don’t quite know what to make out of the end result.Was that number lucky?? Part of me wants to believe it even now.

Six still is lucky for me.

Girls from Venus

Among the hundreds of forward mails that pile up in our inbox which we even don’t care to have a second look, only some stand out. This particular mail I’m talking about also comes in the likes of this stand out class which makes us roll on the floor and laugh with out even caring about the damn surrounding, at least I felt so.

I don’t know where this came from and who sired it, But I feel like posting it.

A story I stumbled upon.....

"I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.

I said, WHAT??!! What was that?!

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear…
You are just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, Cant you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her wed just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said,
Lets get a pair for each outfit.
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you… she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, That's fine, honey. She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said,

I think this is all dear, lets go to the cashier.

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, No honey, I don't feel like it.
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, WHAT?

I then said, Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. Youre just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, Why cant you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either….but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her"


Courtesy to the unknown author.

This is life dear

STORY#




Tenth of February, It was a pleasant day for me. I made a new start, out from the curious eyes of all those who knew me well. I joined a new company. My plan wasn't to survive but just to have some happy moments to cherish before death can have its firm grip over me.

Now a days I prefer meeting new people, fed up with the way people look at me so full of sympathy in their eyes. When they finally realized nothing could be done to extend my tenure here I was left on my own to have a little happiness that the life has denied me so far.

What I am being paid is a meager salary in here, I don't care. Why should I ? It isn't any more about the money, though it gave me immense happiness to earn my own living. I made new friends here. They are treating me as one of their own, very first time for me. It is odd, but I didn't want to be sincere in friendship that will make me desperately wish for a longer life. So kept a safe distance from all. But even then destiny had its upper hand in making decisions for my life and I got a new friend. I was very selfish in thinking, to have an uptake of only good things that happen around me. But I had to act as a diary for her, listen to her sorrows which I happily did. It was very pleasant thing to be in someone else mind, to think for them. I was not thinking about myself for the first time.

I didn't know when I first met her, a bold and cool girl like her could be so depressed underneath. She is going to be married soon, which she doesn't like. She loved someone else and he didn't have guts to take the relation further. She is so sincere in her love, she said she could give her life for him and she actually tried doing it. It was a shocker for me when she said it.

I didn't love anyone so far, so don't know the pain of losing the loved ones. May be someone will have pain when I'm gone. But they will certainly forget me with time. I don't have any problem with that, I certainly want it to be so. She calls me when she is sad, she couldn't recover from her loss and is still adamant that she doesn't have a life with out him. When I see the way she gives less importance to her life I feel a chill, more or less a pain, running through my body. Till now I couldn't gather my courage to tell her what my fate is, the way I'm waiting for an imminent cold death which is completely out of my hands.
But I feel I have to tell her now, to her only. It is time she got to view things in a different perspective. That is the only thing I can do, may be that's my destiny.